'Fiction Writing' by Ravyn LaRue

I like writing stories
I think I should try again
Considering how
Writing assigned fanfiction in a cafe
Made me feel
Young in the best way possible
Fiction writing makes me feel young and clueless
Probably since I’m not necessarily good at it
But the not knowing scared me away
And I feel fed up with allowing myself to be scared
But I think I’m going to start up again
I mean I have my project
And I have my poetry
But this, like drawing and dancing
Is another thing I feel like I shouldn’t give up on
Regardless of the fact that I couldn’t survive on it alone

'Mummification' by Ravyn LaRue

I don’t know
if I’ll ever be stable
if I’ll ever be functional
if I’ll ever be well adjusted
I’m all too content with crying
and I’ve gotten to the point
where emoting is my homeostasis
and I struggle hard to keep from being apathetic
I feel it’s more important to be emotionally sincere
than to worry about those who will feel ostracized by my tears
and maybe I’m selfish to care more for my emotions than relationships
I ruined a date due to talking about my life mantras through mummification allegories
since in ancient egypt they believed the heart held more truth and soulness than the brain
and in my length of living I’ve come to believe that too

'Swingsets' by Ravyn LaRue

One
A summer birthday party
Thinking sweet sixteen seemed so old
Pilgrimaging to to see the sunrise
Trying to swing high
Still worrying
What if I’m too fat for this and I break the chains
But this is too beautiful to think like this
I finally feel for the first time
Like home is something tangible

Two
Wet grass seeping into sneakers
Flying with swaying legs
Between the two girls
I’d come to call my two best friends
I laugh along to things I don’t quite understand
But the feeling of floating
Between two beloveds
It was such inexplicable sweetness

Three
Same setting as the first
Trying to convince
A friend whose soul was drifting out of his place in my heart
I told him not to worry
That things would work out somehow
And he scoffed saying I couldn’t talk
Because unlike him, I was successful
Successful because I’m happy
And I sadistically smiled since he was right

Four
Talking about an effervescent future
With such naive optimism
With a brand new beloved
As he pushed me on the massive swing
And jumped on
Cuddling beside me
As we looked on
In bittersweet awe
As the sun set

'8:12' by Ravyn LaRue

I am a flower
sometimes I’m a wendigo
I’m always human

'Hymns of Hate and Memorandum' by Ravyn LaRue

Oh well
It’s just like me
to want
to romanticize
the time that hurt the most
Have I learned nothing?
You’re only
a survivor
if you don’t go running back
Come on, self
let that dream die
in your wake
we have to keep moving forward
it smells like death back there

'a place where we ache to go again' by Ravyn LaRue

“Nostalgia was originally considered a disease of the mind
which sort of overtook you in times of stress”

Did I ever tell you
when I was cowering under covers
fearing for my life
(erroneously or not)
I recited in my head
the entire dialogue
from my favorite childhood movie?
I wanted to bring myself to a happy place
since I figured if I could relax
I might be as asleep as I pretended to be
and I hear dying in one’s sleep is far more comfortable

'Dear Self- Stop Being Awful' by Ravyn LaRue

I feel like my recent experiences are at least beginning to forge me into a better person
Just today I found myself shrugging off someone’s legitimate concern of feeling unsafe
But instead of going on shrugging I realized I became aware and shouted at my jerk brain
“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?
JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T SEE A REASON TO BE OFFENDED
IT DOESN’T MEAN THERE IS NO REASON
YOU ARE NOT ALL WOMEN
YOU DO NOT INHABIT ALL EXPERIENCES
AND IF YOU DON’T SEE WHY SOMETHING ISN’T OFFENSIVE
IT DOESN’T MEAN IT ISN’T OFFENSIVE
IT JUST MEANS YOU HAVEN’T TAKEN YOUR ROSE-COLORED GLASSES OFF YET”