Books Read In My 20's:

1. Mother Courage and her Children
2. Ecology of a Cracker Childhood
3. David's Redhaired Death (again)

Potential Things For My Performing Arts Resume

1. Gloria- The Elevator Play
2. Assistant Sound Designer- The Madwoman of Chaillot
3. Stagehand/House Management- MCTC PRIDE Drag Show
4. Stagehand/House Management- Let's Keep Dancing
5. Youth Performer- Queertopia
6. Marmee- Little Women
7. Matron Mama Morton- Musical Theatre Showcase 2013
8. Justice Hawthorne- The Devil and Daniel Webster
9. Chastity Saint James- The Cacophony of Carnage
10. The Nurse- Romeo and Juliet Scene Study
11. Heaven Hop Soloist- Musical Theatre Showcase 2012
12. Ruth- Pirates of Penzance
13. Ophelia- Hamlet Scene Study
14. Ensemble- Carousel
15. A Night At The Improv
16. Mother/Ensemble- Wonderland (The Musical Misadventures Of A Girl Named Alice)
17. Susie- Hansel and Gretel

'I’m That Dalmatian From The Photo' by Ravyn LaRue

for about a week I thought I might be a lesbian
or at least felt I ought to find a better word than Pansexual
and I’m back to feeling comfortable with the word
but nothing feels absolutely correct
so I may easily become one who identifies as queer
without narrowing the specifications any further
but at the moment I like the word Pansexual
possibly because the unofficial is a Pink/Yellow/Blue Panda
and I’m keeping my Bi Pride sticker on my phone
even though its nearly disintegrated into nothingness
no matter what I am calling/have called/will call myself
I am extremely extremely extremely queer and glad of it

'Hegemonic masculinity' by Ravyn LaRue

I’ve found myself very dismissive of straight boys recently
and I felt somehow simultaneously mean and empowered
but it seemed also that I was a hypocrite
I kept on grappling with myself with:
“How can I identify as pansexual,
if I’m ruling out someone due to factors related to gender”
and “how can I be a demigirl
if in my gender presentation
I want absolutely nothing to do with hyper masculinity”
but then I discovered a term that was my master key:
Hegemonic masculinity
That is the thing I want absolutely nothing with
since what seems to compel gross straight boys
(and probably some mislead closeted queer ones)
to be absolutely misogynistic
and add "No Homo" as an epilogue
to any human emotion they’re brave enough to show
that is the masculinity I want no part in
both in my own identity
and in the identity of anyone I might ever choose to share myself with
one of my teachers once eluded to me being a man-hating feminist
and I’d like to use #NotAllMen as a power for good for a second
and say that I most certainly don’t hate men, only Hegemonic masculinity
which, while I’m at it, is a way more wonderful phrase than “testosterone poisoned"
since it isn’t the hormone’s fault that people behave awfully

'Past Self' by Ravyn LaRue

I’m very nurturing of my past self
it’s super weird and I acknowledge that
but when paging through an old diary
when I read accounts of the bad things
that occurred to me- past me
it brings back all that emotion
but I feel it as if it were empathy for someone else
since I am not that same human that I was
and reading of my hopes and dreams of that time
seeing my now self achieve them
even if they’re as seemingly passive as seeing Hedwig
I feel fargin for that person I once was
like “hey, love, you made it far enough to see
the thing that seemed to help most
in person- in the flesh- in the soul
I’ll keep us going longer
because who knows what else might reveal itself as possible”
and I know my self a year from now
will likely look down upon this self that now types
like “hey, love, you made it far enough to ______________"

'Rootless' by Ravyn LaRue

Recently
something that has come up quite often
is the importance of having a physical home
we talk about it in Theatre and Ecofeminism
and in Native American Studies last semester
and I’m not sure what to think
since that isn’t all that important to me
for my sake
home means the ideals I hold sacred
so anywhere that embodies those
feels to me like home

I went back to my childhood neighborhood
and although it never felt like home
it seemed particularly unwelcoming
and now, as when I was eight,
in times of sadness I wish I were living in NYC
but I know even if I find a home there
I might not be able to stay in it
since the only reason Minnesota began feeling like home
was SPCPA
and since my hope is to find something similar to SPCPA
once that dries up and I graduate for real
I’ll have to start back over from square one

But everyone seems to keep telling me it’s important
that one without a home is nothing
but I get antsy with physical spaces unless my soul feels at home
Home is where the people I’m surrounded by
are fluent enough in my soul speak
enough to make me feel
like I am not alone

'Proof I’d Make A Charming Yitzhak' by Ravyn LaRue

I was called “butch”
and I don’t mind
but it caught me off guard
since I wasn’t even trying
and believe me I have tried
yet today
in my glitter tights
and femme shoes
I was read as more masculine
than when I make a valiant attempt
I felt weirdly honored though
that I was considered in the same category
as those who have rebellious disregard for gender roles
when I am still so shy with my experimenting
but I want to try more stuff
since college is meant to be when one finds themselves
and does different things to see what fits
I’ve heard it said that gender experimentation
makes one become more whole
so I’m going to keep doing my thing
and perhaps I’ll be read as butch on a day I’m actually trying