'And I'm Lost, Dear' by Ravyn LaRue

When I am frantic
And determined
I scare myself
I scare myself because
I care
And yet I don't care at all
I despise apathy
In me
In particular
But on these days
I would let myself scratch up pretty marble walls
And secrete blood all over
And howl like a banshee in anguish
Ignoring the feelings of all else around me
But miracles bless me more often than not
So even in times of deepest sorrow
I have no right to complain
Tonight
On the way back to the scene of the crime
I had to console myself with lovely lyrics
That made me realize
Even the most accomplished artists lose their wallet sometimes
And go on, some days, merely to thrive as means of spite
When I arrived
She said
"Uh-Uh, Stay there."
And I tried arguing like an ignorant idiot
I had sweat completely through my shirt
And perspired throughout the small amount of hair I have remaining
She-
The angel with sugar to spare and feathering deep red lipstick
She returned my possessions to me
On the way back
I talked to my imaginary friends again
That term is unkind
They exist
Just not on this spacial temporal surface of mine
I write poems on my walks
Since I specifically don't listen to music
Not only must I be safe
I must also be open to the world that I ought to be engulfed in
I have access to shelter again
And I actually remembered my poem
Most die in the same brain matter that conjured them
It's sad since surely some are good
But my symptoms pain me
And I must shower off all this stupidity
I feel so entirely awful when I'm dumb
Actual dumb
I'm impractical and naive often, but not usually dumb
So I need a shower
And I need to study
I'll get better
I've got to do more than survive, I need to rub it in your face
...yeah.