'Childcare' by Ravyn LaRue

I remember when the sun shone so brightly that I felt brave for simply existing.

I’d stand out on the asphalt and I’d dribble that fat old basketball, until calluses appeared on my small hands.

I went to child-care then- that’s what they called it.

But I adamantly decided, multiple times over, that I was NOT a child.

I had a suffering soul out in that sun.

I would go inside, and bead snake keychains and imagine what it would be like if I had friends.

I dreamed of living somewhere with a perpetual sunset, no curfew and a multitude of people who liked me unconditionally.

This never came then, but I have something similar now.

I am an adult, now, and it’s not as rewarding as I may have dreamed.

I don’t think it ever is.

I hate the company, but I’d rather be back beading snakes and dribbling basketballs.

But it’s inevitable that I would romanticize my past- it isn’t as sweet as it sounds.