I don’t really know where to start with this, but I suppose I should say that I’ve always thought of myself as being fat- people since I was 3 have always called me chubby. I didn’t used to be, but I am now, and I don’t mind! I really don’t know but I suppose this may be a potential trigger for people.
Anyways I have never had an eating disorder in the proper sense, but the more I think about it, when I was younger I had an emotional disorder because of my size. I thought I was nothing. I believed all the bullies, and a good majority of my family kept telling me how I should look. Some of my friends now don’t like that I’m chubby and really don’t like when I pontificate my pride, but at this point I feel like I need to.
I found out that one of my biggest idols and current teachers had real physical eating disorders: anorexia, bulimia, etc… She is one of the strongest people I’ve had the opportunity to have in my life, and although I believe she is stronger than I will ever be, I am very proud of her and thankful that she made it through.
I am very proud, also of my grandma. Every christmas since I was 8 years old, part of the present she offered me was a proposition to pay for diet plans or “fat camp”. This year she got me a gift card for torrid (A plus size store). I think and really hope she came to terms with who I am, as I did.
Why I write this today is because I came across a pro-ana (anorexia) blog that positively makes me sick! I felt terrible for the people who were feeding into the propaganda and began to doubt myself, as well. I cannot go back to the place I was years ago.
I thought of a character who helped me through it when I was little: Sophie from Anastasia. I never realized how much of an inspiration that character was to me until today, but that is beside the point.
No matter what I am going to respect myself for who I am, fat and all. If anyone ever needs to talk about this sort of thing, I know I’m not the strongest person, but I’ll always be happy to help!
I hope I haven’t offended anyone, but I really felt like venting… TTFN.
No comments:
Post a Comment