The Cast:
Mary Ivory
Victoria Bradley-Martin
Alan Scott *
2008
Anna-Ophelia
Waitress *
* Can Move Props.
Scene 1:
[Alan looking out into the audience wearing Pajama Pants and a band t-shirt, holding remote and clicking it every so often. Mary bursts in wearing a short nightgown, hence bearing her unshaven legs with footsie-socks on.]
Mary: Alan! Guess what? Guess what! [Jumping up and down excitedly.] Something exciting!
Alan: [Blankly, still clicking the remote.] Yep?
Mary: [Singing] I get to meet Victoria Bradley Martin!
Alan: [Flatly] Good for you.
Mary: Don’t you remember who that is? She’s the girl who paints those magnificent murals throughout the city! [Swoons]She draws the cosmos so beautifully!
Alan: So she draws space on some buildings? That’s it? You make it seem like you’re going to have dinner with the president or something like that.
Mary: No, but this is better! Don’t you realize? Her paintings inspired my stories. If she hadn’t painted those pictures, I never would have written [name of book]. This is so important to me! [Beat]She is important to me.If I play my cards right I may even ask her to illustrate my newest novel when I meet her! Don’t you care at all?
Alan: [Finally looks up from the TV] Yes, but I think you’re getting too worked up. They say “Never meet your idols” and I think you’re going to get crushed. Artists can be heartless, you know.
Mary: [Defensively] But she’s not! And besides, I’ve grown a lot since the Julianna incident, and I’d appreciate it if you gave me more credit. Besides, I’m an artist, too.
Alan: [Purposely changing the subject] How do you even know that you’ll meet her?
Mary: She asked me on a date.
Alan: [Actually looks at her in shock.] A date?
Mary: Yeah- well, I got up the gumption to finally commend her on her work, and I told her about my stories. She seemed especially interested in my newest one- about the aliens- she asked if I wanted to meet with her to talk about them?
Alan: The aliens?
Mary: I suppose- but this is too exciting to pass up no matter what she wants to talk about!
Alan: [Snidely] So where are you lovers meeting?
Mary: The Perpetua Cafe! Next Wednesday! I am so excited!
Alan: Well, don’t be too open. You know what happened last time.
[Lights dim down and Alan leaves.]
Scene 2:
[Mary changes into a pink tank-top and long skirt. Mary uses the audience as a mirror as she puts on her Saturn necklace, red lipstick and mascara.]
Mary: Hello, I’m Mary. I’m delighted to meet you Ms. Bradley-Martin! [Takes a deep breath. Speaks the following line quickly] Also, I’m deeply in love you and have been since the very moment I laid eyes on your paintings; I’ve seen every one! [Mary sighs. Her smile disappears only to reappear]
Mary: Hello Ms.Bradley-Martin. My name is Mary Ivory; I’m very pleased to meet you. [She smiles with self-approval.]
[Mary goes off and grabs her giant purse, diary and a pen; she sits down on the chair and begins to write.]
Mary: Dearest Diary, This is it! This is the day I’ve waited for, for the last five years! I get to meet Victoria Bradley Martin today! I must make a good impression; I look pretty spiffy. I’ll bring along all my new novel things, and money- tons of money. I will buy her all the coffee she wants, and subsequently win her heart; it is the least I could do! My God, this is my greatest triumph! When I next write to you, my life will have changed forever!
[Closes diary and places it lovingly in her purse. Gets up from chair and picks up purse and walks offstage.]
[Lights dim and another chair and table is brought in. Lights rise again, and Mary walks back on stage and sits down at one of the seats. Waitress brings two glasses of Water. Mary chugs half the glass of water.]
[Victoria walks in, wearing aviator sunglasses, black tights, brown boots, and a loose t-shirt. Victoria is fiddling with a phone, now and then looking back suspiciously behind her.]
[Mary sees her and takes another sip of water, whistles loudly and waves.]
[Victoria stops, and looks out towards the audience with a deer in the headlights stare.]
Mary: Victoria, over here! It’s Mary- Mary Ivory!
[Victoria looks over to Mary and stares for a few seconds.]
Victoria: Oh… [Chuckles nervously] Good, then! [Walks over to table.] Glad to meet you, darling.
[Victoria takes Mary’s hesitant hand from across the table and kisses it, depositing a smear of black lipstick. Mary’s eyes widen in utter disbelief.]
Mary: A-And you, too, Ms. Bradley Martin!
[Mary takes off her glasses.]
Victoria: It’s Victoria, no minutia, please.
Mary: [Subserviently] Oh… Alright!
Victoria: I’m honored that you like my little scribbles, but more importantly I’m astounded that you know about them!
Mary: [Hesitantly] Them?
Victoria: Oh, but you must know. They were very prevalent in your story, my darling. You know them like no other human I’ve ever known-
Mary: The Aliens, you mean?
[Victoria darts away from the eye-contact she and Mary had been maintaining.]
Victoria:[Venomously, out towards the Audience and away from Mary.] Where’s the Goddamn waiter?
Waitress: [Reluctantly] Yes, Ma’am?
Victoria: I’d like an Americano. [Turns to Mary, lovingly.]And for you Doll?
Mary: Passion Tea would be nice, thank you.
[Waitress Exits]
Victoria: So, what makes you write those stories of yours. They’re very accurate. I know them well- they do things like that. They’re relentless and make you feel subhuman, but they do it out of love- or so they say.
Mary: [Delighted] So you like Anna-Ophelia and her abductee bride? I never saw it from that angle before- I just thought how interesting we must be to aliens that a human girl would be a good conquest for the queen of Saturn. And she’d make her look more alien so she’d be palatable as a lover, with her blue hair and stitches and all that.
[2008 walks out and stands in upstage of Victoria she drags her hand across Victoria’s neck and shoulder. Victoria flinches.]
Mary: I identify a lot with Anna-Ophelia. All she wants is to have a beloved, though she gets carried away and wounds up with her heart broken.
[Anna-Ophelia stands upstage of Mary- swoops across the table, takes 2008’s hand and licks it.]
[Mary continues talking as music plays and 2008 and A-O do a ballet partner dance with A-O leading. They go offstage.]
Mary: So I’ve been blabbing about my art, how about you? Why do you paint what you paint?
Victoria: I paint what I’m told, simple as that. I don’t have some elaborate process like you do. I’m told to paint something- I paint it.
Mary: But who tells you what to paint? A commissioner? God? Your Muse?
Victoria: Them!
Mary: [A bit concerned] But who is “them”?
Victoria: [Sharply] Of course you don’t understand, I was idiotic to think anyone else could. Fucking Idiotic! [Victoria is looking out at the audience and avoiding eye-contact again.}
Mary: No! [Grabs both of Victoria’s hands] I understand, I really do!
[Victoria goes back to eye-contact.]
[Mary notices and smiles.]
Mary: Honest!
Victoria: [Suddenly, eyeing Mary up and down] Y’know, You’re a cute little thing. [Beat] A bit on the fat side, [Beat] but cute regardless.
Mary:[confused, yet bashful] Well, thank you… You know, I think you’re gorgeous!
Victoria: [Deviously] Then an arrangement might work, then.
[Waitress brings coffee-mugs]
Mary: [To Waitress] Thank you. [To Victoria] An arrangement?
Victoria: [Seductively] Would you like to see my loft later? There’s a bed, and I’ve painted the walls.
Mary: [Much more interested in the paintings, to Victoria’s dismay] Yes please! [Gains courage] And about your paintings, I haven’t yet said: they are gorgeous!
Victoria (matter-of-factly): They’re grotesque; they’re supposed to be.[Beat] I can’t believe you see them as beautiful.
Mary: I don’t know… they really speak to me. They remind me of what I see when I come up with my stories. I just love everything about them: the colors, the shapes, the atmosphere… they’d be the perfect illustrations!
Victoria: I reckon you’re attempting to make a deal? Well I won’t give up my atrocities that easily-
Mary: Oh, I never meant-
Victoria: Of course you did, but I don’t mind. Besides [Her flirtatious grin reappears] with me, the cute ones can get away with anything.
[Blackout onstage]
[Tables and chairs removed]
[A-O and 2008 enter and perform a very sensual dance- both have moments of power]
[Dance ends and another Blackout]
[Mary and Victoria Enter, Mary in Skirt and Bra only and Victoria in only underwear and loose shirt, hearts are drawn in red on her legs]
Victoria: Do you need breakfast or something?
Mary: [Cheerfully] I don’t mind!
[Mary sits cross-legged on the floor]
Victoria: Well, I’m making coffee- want some?
Mary: Sure!
[Victoria Leaves]
Mary: [Sighs wistfully] If I die today, I’ll die happy.
[Mary Lies down and day-dreams on her side looking at the Audience]
[Victoria re-enters with coffee for them both she sits next to Mary with her legs swung off the stage]
Victoria: No one’s ever stayed.[Turns to look at Mary] You stayed. It’s very nice of you. They told me you wouldn’t, but they’re sometimes wrong, you know. [Smiles sincerely.] And you stayed!
Mary: Of course!
[Victoria hesitantly inches next to Mary and rests up against her. Mary turns and kisses her head.]
[Recording of voices doing the cacophonous climax of her name]
[Victoria Screams]
[She pulls herself entirely on stage, clings to Mary and whimpers.]
Mary: What’s wrong?
Victoria: It’s them! It’s them!
Mary: Where?
Victoria: They’re yelling at me again- I think they hate you. They’re afraid you’ll take me away from them, but they’re right!
Mary: It’s alright! You’re safe with me. Here, let’s go lie down. Things will be alright- I’ll be right there with you.
[They both exit]
[2008 and A-O re-enter]
[They perform a dance in which 2008 keeps trying to run away/escape from A-O’s embrace until 2008 “strangles” A-O but lets A-O consume her]
[Blackout and they leave]
[Alan enters with his chair and remote]
[Lights up]
[Mary re-enters, same clothes]
Alan: She’s still here?
Mary: You know she has to stay here, she isn’t safe alone.
Alan: You and your nut-jobs. You know she’d be safer elsewhere. Like a mental ward.
Mary: But Alan, she said herself that I’m the only one that can take her away from [Air Quotations] them- it’s because I love her.
Alan: This isn’t a fairytale, you can’t just say you can cure some mental illness with love- I know you’re smarter than that.
Mary: Well you’re the king of apathy, I didn’t expect you’d understand.
[Mary sits next to him on the floor, steals his remote in anger and begins switching channels herself.]
[Sci-fi music plays and a narration begins.]
Narrator: In a far off land 3000 light years away, a team searched the galaxy for answers but on the way they found love.
[Victoria walks onstage in only underwear and loose shirt.]
Mary: Hello Love!
[Mary kisses Victoria and goes off stage]
[Alan looks up and scowls at her. Victoria flips him off.]
[Mary comes back with an odd pastry on a plate and hands it to Victoria.]
Victoria: “The fuck is this?”
Mary: “It’s a cream cheese danish… what Hamlet eats for breakfast. [tiny giggle.]
[Victoria looks, unimpressed, and then prepares to say something clearing her throat.]
Mary: See, since Hamlet takes place in Denmark and this is a Danish… Well, anyways…
Alan: That was an awful joke.
Mary: I don’t care.
Victoria: Your roommate is an asshole.
Mary: [Looks directly at Alan who is back to flipping through channels] I know!
Victoria: I decided I need to paint for you, last night.
Mary: Oh?
Victoria: And so I need to. Here and now. Without him. [Gesturing at Alan]
Alan: [Snidely] I know when I’m not wanted.
Mary: But I thought you ran out of the paint I got you.
Victoria: [Nonchalantly]I made more. They tell me how. It isn’t a problem, [looks at Mary and smiles] and painting for you is worth it! [Beat] They say in order for me to paint I have to listen to them. [Beat] But they tell me you’ll leave me. I can’t let you. So I have to paint for you, so then they can know you’re not bad!
[Recording of voices doing the cacophonous climax of her name]
[Victoria Screams]
Victoria: [Screaming] BUT THEY ARE BAD! I NEED YOU TO TAKE ME AWAY FROM THEM!
[Grabs onto Mary, clawing her hands into Mary’s abdomen]
[Alan runs out]
Alan: What the hell is going on here? [Sees Victoria scratching at Mary. Yells] Victoria get off of her!
Mary: Alan! Stop it!
[Comforts Victoria]
Mary: It’s OK. It’s OK. It’s OK.
[Mary sits on the floor and has Victoria cradled against her.]
[Blackout]
[Anna-Ophelia audibly cries and drags a limp 2008 across the stage. No music.]
[Intermission]
[Lights up on a stage full of paintings]
[Victoria is sitting on the floor in her underwear and loose shirt painting compulsively]
[Recording of voices doing the cacophonous climax of her name]
[Victoria splotches a thing of paint on the canvass and digs it in.]
[Recording of voices doing the cacophonous climax of her name]
[Victoria splotches a thing of paint on the canvass and digs it in.]
[Recording of voices doing the cacophonous climax of her name]
[Victoria splotches a thing of paint on the canvass and digs it in.]
[Mary walks in and gasps.]
Mary: Oh, Victoria, are these the ones for my story? Oh they are beautiful!
[Mary kisses Victoria]
Mary: Oh they’re better than I had ever imagined they would be! Thank you so much, Love!
[Mary Leaves]
[Recording of voices doing the cacophonous climax of her name]
[Victoria splotches a thing of paint on the canvass and digs it in.]
[Recording of voices doing the cacophonous climax of her name]
[Victoria splotches a thing of paint on the canvass and digs it in.]
[Recording of voices doing the cacophonous climax of her name]
[Victoria splotches a thing of paint on the canvass and digs it in.]
[Blackout]
[Victoria leaves and 2008 and A-O enter]
[They perform a dance in which A-O uses an entirely limp 2008 as a dance partner.]
[Blackout]
[Alan and Mary Enter]
Alan: Y’know I never thought I’d say this, but I think Victoria’s calmed down
Mary: I know, isn’t it fantastic! She’s been painting the most beautiful pictures for me recently, and I’ve written something to match! Do you want read my newest part?
Alan: I guess…
[Voiceover of the story.]
[2008 and A-O act it out]
Anna-Ophelia loved 2008 so. She noticed her discomfort and devised a plan to save her love. She said, “My beloved is tormented by these intergalactic sound-waves, but I can be the one to save her!” She kissed 2008 and made her smile. That smile was then sewn onto the bride as permanent on their long-awaited wedding day.
[2008 turns to the audience with her sewed on smile and whimpers]
Mary: And it’s even better when you see how pretty the paintings she made are- she’s a genius!
[Mary, Alan and A-O Leave]
[Victoria Enters and stands next to 2008]
[They turn to each other.]
[Victoria touches 2008’s stitches and then covers her own mouth.]
[They then both leave.]
[Mary and Victoria both come out again and go to the Cafe setup]
Mary: It’s so nice to go out again, isn’t it?
Victoria: Yeah.
Mary: What’s wrong, Love.
Victoria: The reason we didn’t go out all that while was because you were worried they’d get to me, isn’t that the case?
Mary: You know that would be an issue-
Victoria: And yet you’re fine with it when we’re at home. Last time we were here you promised you understood. Prove to me now that you understand, because I’m just not fucking feeling it!
Mary: Well, I had a dream when I was 18. I was at a theatre- I didn’t know what theatre, watching a show- I didn’t know what show, and in the program were the words, “Special thanks to Mary Ivory for having her Lobotomy” and I woke up with a splitting headache that lasted for weeks. I was so scared, and when I told people, they acted as if I were insane. I wound up finding solace in poetry, but it still scares me.
Victoria: That isn’t the same as them. And you still see it as so fucking glamorous.
Mary: But I love you! Isn’t that worth anything?
Victoria:[Begins choking up/crying]You’re the only one that does… and means the world to me.
Mary: [Takes Victoria’s hands across the table] I will always be here for you, and I’m sorry things aren’t as solid as I thought they were.
Victoria: Things have never been solid for me.
Things have been… terrifying.Their ghastly voices whisper to me- Often.I cannot escape it, yet you bring it upon yourself- Or try to. This isn’t art. This isn’t love- It’s far too hideous- But you still can’t see.Your naivety filters this into romanticized nothings and mystery.Sometimes you don’t seem human.You seem like one of them, only a saccharine version, entrapping me within the softness of your body and soul.I cannot handle it right now. I need solid ground, and you are a sweet garden. I have no roots to anchor me down, and so I cannot give myself to you.This is my greatest regret.
Mary: Victoria-
Victoria: No, darling.
[Victoria takes Mary’s hand,kisses it and leaves.]
[Victoria meets up with 2008 while crossing the stage who holds her hand and takes her off.]
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