You said you hate to wait, and in this case we couldn't be more different.
I love the bubbling anticipation, and still have unopened birthday presents from last November.
I bribe myself with the possible prizes, though besmirched I might be to the benevolent ones who blessed me.
Regardless, I like making things for you-
I feel it's often hit or miss, so it is for everything I make and do-
I like to write that off as a simple little byproduct of being human.
I can sense my own repetition sometimes, and I'll be honest, I don't quite understand what makes it work or not, yet.
See, even now, I have a lyric as a title, since titles are troublesome for me.
But I love that you seem to like the things I do.
No, I know not everything, but that'd just be odd.
I don't like everything I make- I don't figure anyone really does adore all their creations.
I hear many artists, whom I love, proclaiming from their pedestals, of all their old shames.
And although I see their failures as fabulous, regardless, I get it.
But I wish thoroughly that I could condense all the good stuff I have going, and mold it into things for you.
They might come out as mangled, but they're backed by good intentions!
Emma, my Emma, mind you, once said that it's a wonder her and I can communicate at all since she speaks math and I speak poetry.
I like that, and despite your claims of not speaking poetry, either, you're surely fluent enough!
This more meta than metaphysical, as I had originally intended, but since I'm riding this wave, I'll no doubt keep going.
I like meta things, they always blow my mind regardless of how menial they might be.
Probably since I get so easily sucked into things, and when the fourth wall is broken, I get even more possessed.
I like when I can get into a vein of semi-self narration.
Where I write and write whatever I can.
And oftentimes it gets creepy fast, because if I have a keyboard and screen between me and the audience, I have no filter.
I had a dream (I have so many that I find worth mentioning) but in this dream I was challenged by a dear friend.
He claimed there was no way someone like me could possibly scare him in the least.
And being my usual self, I decided there was nothing better to do than to step up to that challenge.
So I did, and I ran with a passing thought until I had surpassed my wit's end.
It worked way too well, and the poor dear flinched at my presence from there on- I don't know if that'd happen in real life.
But this means of expression keeps me seen as harmless, I think.
I know words have power, of course, but they have a bit of separation from reality.
I'm as neurotic as you claim to be, only about that sort of thing.
You claim to be a hypochondriac, and I know you are often afraid of the weather.
But at least those are real concerns.
I find myself worried less about sickness and maladies and natural disasters, and more about all the possible malicious spirits that may or may not possibly exist and breaches of sanity, mostly on my part.
You are so much more down to earth than I
But I like the vastness and abstraction, though sometimes I fear I might be going crazy.
I figure that's just a byproduct of the way I go about things, as well as all that I believe.
I'm glad my skidding along the thin lines of crazy and creepy intrigues you as it does-
Like my dream reiterates, I sometimes worry that it'd scare people off.
I think you know me so well, that you see me as harmless as I am-
And honestly, I mostly exaggerate- a combination of accentuate the negative and beware the nice ones.
I mean, it's no wonder, due to the media I devour so ardently.
I know it isn't good to romanticize things like "playing crazy"
Yet, despite acknowledging all my monotonous, incessant, and perhaps even harmful repetition, I feel the need to continue as I am.
I think it might be an odd identity thing.
A question of nature or nurture, since all I can remember of my life I've been morbid and a titch off.
But I am absolutely content with this.
Now look, this is horrendously un-groundbreaking.
And I only just said that I want to do the best I can when it's even remotely aimed at you.
Regardless, I've fallen into my same old trope traps.
But every day I work a little bit more out of my system-
And I figure someday, soon enough, it'll work to my complete benefit.
And I'll be able to bring some newness to the finely set table.
I'm glad you're enjoying my evolution, I can't see it, of course, I'm too close.
I see yours, though, when I see old photos and read my old diaries, I laugh at how things have changed and how they've stayed the same.
I know you don't like surprises, so it'd be torturous to provoke you further.
But I have more in store for you at some point, but sleep is what I'm lacking, and I really ought to reconcile that quandary...
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