These are the things I know.
I'm sure that I should keep writing poetry (even though it might suck thoroughly).
I know love musicals-
I know I'd far prefer being sappy than being stoic-
This is becoming an I am song
And since I'm so unsure of myself in every way, shape and form
An I am song might be worthwhile
I know I no longer like my endings like I like my chocolate-
Bittersweet
I know, I suppose, I often like my endings sad, but this is not the end
I know won't let it be because, as weak and frail and I might be
I know I've been torn down by cold winds and cruelty
I know I am necessary
I know that in (let me count again) seven days I will see my mama and brother.
I know I feel bad when I call him my surrogate brother
It seems cruel, even though it's true
I know I should just say brother, even though people are so backward that they stop me mid-story to say-
"He can't be your brother, he's black! And you're not. And he's black!"
That's what I'm dealing with here-
That much idiocy in a big-city environment which is claimed to be diverse, and enlightened and artistic
Art may be penned by bigots, but in order for me to call an environment artistic, it needs to feel like home
I need to know if I got emotionally naked, I wouldn't be emotionally raped
I know I'm not scared of the L-train, Homeless people, Muggers or dark
I know I fear those who stand on podiums and spotlights and preach hate
I know I had a nightmare that I stayed here, had children and a girlfriend, and the court of law took my children away
Why?
Because my acting teacher claimed to the officials that queer people aren't fit to raise kids
Just as she proclaimed it in class
And I know I should think-
"Psshhh, my mind is just overactive, as it always is"
But dreams scare me, at least when they feel real
And this place is too corrupt-
No it's not just a stereotype, I was threatened to be jailed, due to loitering less than 5 minutes, while waiting for a friend-
But it's too corrupt for me to just shrug that sort of scary premonition off
But I am strong enough to know I need to leave
And I know I want kids
I don't know if I want a girlfriend, but I feel like 'Being Alive' right now, so maybe I do-
But I know I want kids
I know I gawk at them iceskating and think-
I know I want that for my future
I know I want to read to them, and take them to see shows with me (the cute schmaltzy ones, I unashamedly still enjoy)
I know I want to sing to them
I know I want to sing 'Wicked Little Town' as a lullaby when they're bullied, since although, I'll of course try to end it, everyone is bullied inevitably
I know I sometimes used to doubt that evil existed, but this place proves it
I know I fear I'm being hypersensitive, but even if I am, that is no excuse.
I know I was slut-shamed again.
I know I stood afore the class in the negligee demanded of me by the script and did my scene-
The reaction was no one caring for my acting, and everyone either complaining about or catcalling me due to the bloody negligee
I know I'm just ranting
I've written better I am song poetry in my sleep
But I know enough to know this much
And though that might not be enough
I know there are people in this world who truly love me
I know I sometimes doubt it while possessed by demons
But I know it's true that there are people who truly love me
And I know, as long as I'm right about that fact
All this bullshit, too, shall surely pass soon enough
I just know it.
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