'Starkeeper' by Ravyn LaRue

I don't want to make you cry
That not my intent, nor would I ever want to
But I believe in catharsis
Just like I believed in it seven months ago
That time, you know, when I cried onstage
But I need to write about this no matter
And I may as well write to you
I think of him as the star-keeper
The character in Carousel
The paternal high angel of all
In my terms I mean it like his hobby
He knew of all the brightest stars on the silver screen
He spoke of them with me, though my knowledge was slim
I know you said you loved watching us as we spoke of such
I knew it was important, then, but it isn't until retrospect kicked in that I realized the weight
Now I don't have that
I watch swarms of intriguing personalities talk online of movies
But of course it's not the same
But it's supplemental and I like it because it sugarcoats the void
It reminds me in a soft, painless way-
Of something I cannot reach again
The definition of nostalgia is-
The pain from an old wound-
It’s delicate, but potent. It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone.
It’s a place where we ache to go again.
And that's what it is
I had many reoccurring dreams this last summer
They tried to convince me he was still alive somehow
And I'd wake to the grim realization
But my subconscious hasn't come to terms
Since it really isn't right
With Boomama and Boodaddy they at least seemed ready
There are many times when I think of Grandaddy
What he'd think of my choices
What he thinks now that he knows all
And I shan't get metaphysical
I know this isn't the place for that
But I'm morbid, profoundly, in the things I enjoy
Yet this specific death is so much harder to cope with than the others
I never met Rosie
I never knew her soul
But I knew Grandaddy better than most of my relatives
We had those moments where we just talked about any and all
And movies and celebrities
And things like that, that I didn't think mattered
But I know now
Everything about those times mattered
Mattered more than all the unfathomable stars in all the distant galaxies