It took me seventeen years, thereabouts to be okay with myself
Well I suppose not quite
Since I should hope no one's born hating themselves
But I was Catholic, so who knows
But from pre-school, even, I saw myself as unworthy
Worthiness bought things like love and friendship
And the ability to talk in class and sing outside
But then I found my home
And I was safe
And I was happy
And I felt worthy
Though it did take some time
And then I had to leave
Because time keeps moving
And time changes everything
Whether we like it or not
So I went somewhere I thought of as beautiful
And I thought I was ready for this world
But I wasn't, obviously
It started bringing me back to times I felt unworthy
But I know now that to be strong one must surround themselves with love
And openness and acceptance
You could keep on pushing and struggling
Putting up your defenses
Fighting on, against some eternal evil that can easily disintegrate spirits
But why do that when you have a home?
And why do that when you have beloveds?
And why do that when there's somewhere where you do feel worthy?
Had I stayed I would've relapsed.
Had I stayed, I think I might've died.
And although my heart isn't instantaneously mended by the familiar atmosphere.
I know, for the first time in one hundred and fifteen days
I am surviving in a place where I belong
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