'Beloved Perspective Girlfriend' by Ravyn LaRue

I've thought of reconsidering her offer
And I know it would be dumb, so I don't know why
But recently I've thought, it might be nice to have a girlfriend
Probably because of my push-backedness
Coupled with an erroneous need to prove myself
Regardless, it'd never work-
Despite her interest, I'm too liberal for her taste
And she's too conservative for mine
But nevertheless, after we hugged after four months apart
I lifted her up and we kissed a multitude of times
Though kisses don't hold as much weight as some think they should, to us
I don't know-
I haven't ever dated anyone I loved-
I may've blurted the phrase out aimlessly without thinking
But erroneously-
And the prospect of a relationship seems like a trap, to me
But that moment of love I felt with her the other day-
It's making my dumb-ass heart try to reconsider, in spite of my brain
But anyways, I suppose in this way, I'm writing her love poetry anyways-
So in that way she's my sweetheart anyways-
And I know bouncing into a relationship right now is probably the worst option of anything-
I still feel as Hedwig and Donnie and Sweeney-Lovett-Lucy
And see how splendidly their love-lives turned out
And I don't think I was made to be somebody's one and only
Nor do I feel, at this time, like one specific person was made for me
And I'm just lost and confused
Looking for some sort of validation, I know something like that wouldn't even bring
So much of life seems so wrapped up in monogamy
And my push-backedness is trying to plunge me into that ill-fitting mindset again
But I don't want it
I don't wanna live my life on one side of an ampersand-
Though that love of mine, who offered to take my heart, is my beloved
And she means as much to me as any of my other beloveds-
Which, mind you, is a ton-
Feelings fit to take up entire expansive galaxies-
But it's 'Company', you know-
This mindless drifting, romance denial and push-backedness-
I want nothing of it, yet in this way am I denying living?
Who knows-
Who knows-
I feel this'd be dumb and reckless
It wouldn't turn out all too well, and I know that
Though that doesn't mean I don't feel compelled-
I feel all too compelled about that as well as all else, now a days-
She's my Victoria Bradley Martin, and I'm not fit for that-
No, not at all
But she's brilliant and beautiful-
And we'd break each other's hearts, I know it
And I may be romantic, and I may risk my life for it, but I ain't gonna die for you, you know I ain't no Juliet-
But she is, and that's why I mustn't let us get tangled up like this
No, love, no-
Not now, at least