Many people attest to having a childhood hero they looked up to and aspired to become like; I never claimed to have one. When assigned hero projects in school, since I had no definite person, I felt the obligation to make presentations on members of my family. Though those individuals were admirable, until recently I never knew anyone who I could call my hero.
In ninth grade I came to Saint Paul Conservatory for Performing Artists (SPCPA) after eight miserable years at a Catholic school. All my life I have known that I need to be an artist; nothing has ever made me consider giving up creating in one form or another. Due to this drive, I fell in love with SPCPA as soon as I heard of it and felt compelled to attend.
What drew me to SPCPA, as well as the artistic aspect, were rumors of an accepting and welcoming atmosphere. The worst part about my experience at Catholic school had been the incessant bullying. I dreaded going to high school, since I thought that cattiness and cruelty would only be magnified. For me, it was a matter of either going to SPCPA or taking all necessary classes online, the latter of which insured that I would not be tormented further at school.
Attending SPCPA has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. Everything marvelous in my life I owe to this school, more specifically, a teacher. Finally, now at the age of eighteen I can claim that I have a hero: Melissa Hart.
When I first attended SPCPA the affects of bullying were obvious; my low self-esteem was crippling. During freshmen year, I was afraid to speak, let alone sing. Yet, performing arts had a healing affect, when I could get past the fear of failure; I could become someone who wasn’t me, and at my old school that was what I needed to do in order to survive. Ms.Hart assured me that regardless of what anyone in the world said, I was a worthwhile individual. That concept was still difficult for me to believe.
The key point of sophomore year was being cast in ‘Carousel’ during J-Term, which Melissa Hart directed. Every day of rehearsal I became prouder of being an ensemble member and having a single line. Despite the fear I had saying the three words she assigned me, I prevailed against all the ghosts and nagging voices in my head, which cried out, “You do not deserve to be up on stage!” “You’ll botch your line and ruin the show.” For every scathing comment festered by my self-consciousness, one of Ms.Hart’s previous remarks of encouragement emerged. “Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not deserving, you have the same right to be here as they do!” “Don’t you dare give up!”
I said my line with bravado and devoted myself entirely to the show. I had never before been more invested in a character, although the character was merely an ensemble member with a back-story I created. From that moment on I actually believed that I deserved my place at this school.
Junior year was my triumph. I devoted the summer prior to studying and attempting to memorize the part of Ophelia and proposed the idea to Ms.Hart of doing Ophelia’s Mad Songs, as a monologue. Ms.Hart joyfully agreed, proposing a further challenge: that I give myself to the character enough to become Ophelia. She promised to keep me safe, and make sure that I didn’t go too far or end up hurting myself. It was this process that finally gave me the confidence to pursue something that seemed impossible months prior: a principal role.
For J-term junior year I was cast in ‘Pirates of Penzance’ as part of the ensemble. I was content with that seemingly wonderful fate, until an even greater opportunity appeared. The woman originally cast as Ruth backed out, hence it was open to anyone interested and already cast in the show to audition. I did.
It took as much courage as I could muster, but I “suited up and stepped up” as Ms.Hart always says. My competition was daunting: a classmate of mine far more experienced and far more conventionally beautiful. Ruth is meant to be plain looking, but given my past of insecurity, her appearance was especially intimidating.
Again, as with my line in ‘Carousel’, a battle began in my mind between the paralyzing self-doubt and the verbalized belief Ms.Hart had in me. Ultimately Ms.Hart’s voice won out, and I thrived. Days later, when I checked the bulletin board for the revised cast list, my heart raced. I could barely compel myself to look; worried the sight of failure would break me.
Before my eyes appeared this message: “The role of Ruth will be played by Katherine. Thank you for your interest and enthusiasm, talent and abilities!” I could hardly believe it; the opportunity seemed too good to be true! I used the knowledge and experience I gained working with the Ophelia monologue and ‘Carousel’ to give the process all I had. Later, when I was working with Ms.Hart on a song for juries, she confided that she liked my portrayal of Ruth. Her words became even more poignant when she told me how she had played Ruth in the past.
Now, as a senior, I can recognize the progress I have made over the last four years due to the support and guidance Ms.Hart provided. Without her, I would not have had the confidence this year to create the role of Chastity Saint James in ‘The Cacophony of Carnage’ or make the most of being cast in a show I never auditioned for, by using what she has taught me.
Now, in my final musical at SPCPA, I am once again in a show Melissa Hart is directing: ‘Little Women’. Not only am I playing Marmee, a supporting role, but also I have the opportunity to collaborate with her on costume designs. I have such a life ahead of me, and now I understand that I am deserving and capable of living and thriving within it.
When I arrived at SPCPA I was a timid, self-doubting person, afraid to even speak. Now I have confidence in my abilities, and the tools to further them. I owe this metamorphosis to Ms.Hart, who helped me gain the power I needed to allow myself to be me again. Because of her, I truly believe that my spirit is worthwhile; she helped me become who I am today. I gladly profess that Melissa Hart is my hero!
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