'Feet Don't Waltz When the Roof Caves In' by Ravyn LaRue

Oh, I knew this was impending
It came to mind the second I doomed myself
And I will willingly let it deafen me
It's way too worth it
I loathe apathy
You know that, dear, though as time goes by, I find myself an avid subscriber
It's probably the thing I hate most about myself
And although I like myself a whole hell of a lot more than most outside influences-
This annoys me- I annoy me
See, and that nails it
In life there are "much better things to worry about" than emotion
I come from a long line of-
"Stop crying, people are looking at you."
and
"Don't ever write about your living situation!"
My lymph nodes burn at each utterance
And then the metaphysical master of ceremonies goes out of his way to shout at me
But this is why I do this
In times like this, when carelessness prevails-
People need sadness to slowly possess them so that they can cry
I'd spend all my potential riches on guaranteed catharsis
Since without it, people become empty
And, to me, there is nothing worse than emptiness
Which is why I sell my soul so easily
Though I haven't the guts yet-
One day I will do, since I shan't give up.
I'm being pretentious again
I think my gradual gaining of self-awareness is a bit counterproductive
Bitching is beginning to lose its fun
My mind instead conjures logos and says,
"Think of the horrors you aren't caught up in- that's proof you shouldn't be sad"
And then that causes stifling and apathy
And it's awful
And I hate it
And I feel bad for hating it and all else that angers or saddens me
Since I'm currently in a slew of spirits telling me my emotions aren't valid because I'm privileged and am pretentious to moan over tiny trivial things
But back to the content
Without any history attached, the emotions of the soul of the art is still heartbreaking
And in a way, all technicalities of me don't matter since it oughtn't be about me
It should be about art
And souls
Which possess everything and are allowed to feel all
So I need to push through
I am all over moral ambiguity
And if I'm greedy and pretentious and awful-
Then I am, and must be those things
If I can feel truthfully and be open to all- for them to see my greed and pretense and bile
It makes it all worth it
I'd rather be a conglomerate of disgusting innards than a pretty empty shell
I think that's what it all comes down to-
Vile and sincere beats gorgeous and empty any day, for me.