I'm making no bones about it; Columbia is lots more homophobic in general than I had hoped or expected it to be. I think it might be Chicago, as a whole, as well, but I've only been here for two-or-so months, so I wouldn't be that hasty to generalize. But Columbia is definitely more homophobic than SPCPA, where I went to high school. They're both art schools so I figured the level of acceptance would be somewhat similar. I, of course, was wrong.
I mentioned one instance before, but that was just the beginning. Despite that one girl's closed-mindedness, the hotbed of homophobia seems to be my acting class.
The fact that the atmosphere of my acting class is so stifling completely breaks my heart. Acting and performing is how I met the queer people I know now, and how I became comfortable with my own queerness.
When I speak of queerness I don't simply mean romantic love for the same sex, I also am referring to the simple fact that gender is not black and white. There is a spectrum between the terms "male" and "female" and I am happy to not have to conform to being the absolute definition of feminine. If I were to do that, I would be stifling my true self.
The thing that pushed me to the brink of venting right now is that my acting teacher announced that we weren't aloud to play genders other than our own. Yes, it's a basic acting class, but what she considers male is 100% what society considers masculine and female as 100% what society considers feminine. She says anything else "isn't authentic". Hence, if I were to get up on stage and act exactly as I do in real life, I "would not be an authentic female character".
I am so peeved with this notion, I can barely even fathom my thoughts into intelligent sentences.
My teacher is nice, but the sort of nice that grandparents and older relatives are; they mean well, but have such old-world ideas that sometimes they accidentally say horrible, hurtful things without meaning it.
When male students go up onstage and play feminine men I think of how much the portrayal reminds me of my own beloved friends. The same goes for when female students play masculine females. Yet my teacher has the audacity to say, "No one acts like that in real life unless they are a clown!"
I'm having an actually really hard time with this. This class centered around performing leaves me feeling drained, whereas performing in my past experiences has always been a source of energy and rejuvenation.
I honestly don't understand how my acting teacher has gotten as much work in the theatre as she claims to have. Everyone I've ever been lucky enough to work with has been either an ally or queer themselves. I don't know how anyone as narrow-minded and ignorant could make a living in a profession/art so notoriously fueled by queer people.
Perhaps I'm just expecting too much of my current teacher since I've had such wonderful teachers in the past. Even so, I'm surprised that the student's aren't calling her out for it!
I haven't been courageous enough to do so myself, but that's partially because the students are even more judgmental.
In a scene where I tried to initiate the relationship of our characters being exes, my partner shouted in dismay, "BUT WE'RE GIRLS!?!?!" and another scene partner of mine, as we tried to determine our characters's relationship screamed out, "PLEASE DON'T MAKE THIS A SEX SCENE!!!" ...Calm down, I'm pansexual, not a nymphomaniac. The latter situation goes back to the "all queer people are inherently promiscuous" trope, which, of course, is not true.
I suppose this is just my late introduction to "the real world" but in the context of performing arts, and the arts in general, it seems like no place whatsoever for such egregious homophobia. No where should be a place of egregious homophobia, but this just catches me off guard.
If this is how the acting teachers are at Columbia, then it's a Godsend that I decided to switch my minor from theatre to teaching. Still, in my one solid space to indulge in the performing arts I so adore, I should have the comfort of being free to be myself without people crying out how perverse and inauthentic I am for existing, as well as the freedom to play characters that are authentic because queer and gender-fluid people DO exist!
And on this, Spirit Day, of all days.
I'm sorry, but that's just pathetic.
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